A Vegan Called Bacon

As our time in China is coming to an end, I thought it was time to list some of tasty or bizarre varieties of mock meat we’ve encountered. I’ve been following the Mocking of Meat at Hezbollah Tofu and can’t wait till I get a chance to do some serious seitanising like this wicked-looking roulade.

´Ribs´, when done well, are delicious. They need to be marinated properly in a really savoury sauce. We preferred ones with edible ´bones´ to those with bones made of wood.  Why do I want a mouthful or thick toothpicks?

One of our favourite dishes was ´beef in XO sauce´. No picture, annoyingly. It was strips of seitan deep fried to a crispy/chewy texture, in a delicious sweet/savoury sauce. We had this, and the ribs pictured above, at Pure Lotus in Yangshuo (check out the photos of their food on their website).

An old favourite, and the only one to be found with any regularity in the UK, is mock duck. What´s entertaining here, though, is that sometimes it´s been molded so that it supposedly actually looks like a duck. This one´s from Beihe Restaurant in Beijing. I got the parson’s nose.  (Which I just found out is properly called a pygostyle. Mock Pygostyle!  Yeah!)

Beijingers are obsessed with ´meat-on-a-stick´, or chuan´r. Tiny chunks of lamb (or stranger meats like a pig´s pizzle) are pierced with a stick, painted with a cumin-chilli mix, and roasted over what appears to be actual lumps of coal. For ages I couldn´t work out what the signs were that looked like this: 串. Then I realised they were pictures of meat-on-a-stick. It took me a couple more weeks to find out that the actual Chinese character for chuan´r is 串.

Anyway, we´ve had it a couple of times, including tofu-in-a-stick or broccoli-on-a-stick variants, but the best meaty one was in a Vegan Yuanqi Restaurant in Urumqi:

Another favourite dish, which also scores high on the ´wierd´ front, was Bodhi-Sake´s pork belly (and I propose to try emulating some real pork belly dishes back at home):

Surprisingly common, yet not-particularly-pleasant, is mock whelk:

We´ve had two much better ´seafood´ dishes: mock fish, and mock cuttlefish. This mock fish was from Pure Lotus in Beijing, and was one of our favourites:

The mock cuttlefish pictured next was from Hong Kong.  Mock cuttlefish?  I absolutely lack the experience to just its mock accuracy (mockuracy?), but it was pleasantly chewy strips something rice-based, somehow made to go curly, and fried with a crisy, salty coating.

The single most bizarre fishy discovery was mock sea cucumber in Bodhi-Sake, Beijing.  A vegetable which is made in the form of a fish which is named after a vegetable.  And, what’s more, a fish which looks like a knobbly poo.  It didn´t taste of much (maybe like the real thing? I have no idea). But it looked pretty cool.

I think my least favourite mock meat is mock prawns. We´ve had them a couple of times. They are made of some kind of very firm material, molded into prawn shapes, and flavoured like prawns. Most mock meats taste interesting and natural, and stand in their own right as interesting ingredients. These prawns tasted completely artificial, a mockery of mock meat. They are the pink things in the hotpot platter below:

Update: No, James: sadly, on this trip, we are yet to find a decent mock ortolan.

Update 2: Since I wrote this we went back to Beijing one last time, where I witnessed perhaps the wierdest ersatz buchery yet: mock pidgeon